It can be hard to believe that everything happens for a reason after reality has beaten down our belief system. When we have spent our lives giving until it hurts only to be told it was not enough and the light at the end of the tunnel has moved yet again, the reason can seem useless. At some points we may even decide we no longer care what the reason is.Then comes the day when it all starts to become clear again.

Today, I worked diligently with my camera on a project on the beach. I dreaded the very thought of going for fear of running into someone I wish not to see. With every figure that appeared over the dunes my stomach flipped for fear that now I would have to explain my presence on this beach. But the more I lost myself in my work the less I became concerned with someone else's thoughts of my location.

As I neared the end of my day at the beach, I noticed the tide was providing me with a tease of the perfect picture. The water rushing over a log at the water's edge had been eluding me for weeks. And as it rushed away again, I turned to the expansive ocean and asked, "Will this beach ever give me what I am looking for?"  Knowing all too well, the picture was only part of the question. I turned back to the log and began to look around the beach. It was only then as I began to take more photos of the surrounding area, the log itself, and even the ocean that the answer came to me. "As soon as you learn to be patient, stop looking so hard at the details, and remember the big picture." Suddenly the tide started to come in stronger. I took lots of amazing photos but in order to get the ones I wanted I had to take off my shoes and get my feet wet.

The truth is we may not always understand what happens in our lives. Sometimes we forget to step back and see the big picture. And every once in awhile to get what we want we have to get our feet wet...

When my cell phone plummeted to the bottom of the bay after an already eventful boating trip, I was hesitant to panic. After all, it was just a phone. That was until the next morning when I realized just how much I had actually lost in the cold salty water. Notes on the book I’m currently writing were stored in my notepad. Even though my service offers it, I never backed up my contact list. Some of those people had moved away leaving no other way to reach them. It was heart wrenching.

The universe was telling something, but what? That I depend too heavily on my electronics?  Or just that maybe I need to step back and get a new perspective on things? Oh and possibly that I need to back up everything else?


Now I am trying to do just that- create a back-up for my life. I am getting everything in order one step at a time. This is something I have been doing all along but this time I am doing it alittle faster and steadier. I’ve spent a year preparing for this and now it’s time to start applying the methods and move forward. At the same time I’m stepping back to reconnect. It’s time to spend a little less time online and a little more time with friends and loved ones.

 

 

When my cell phone plummeted to the bottom of the bay after an already eventful boating trip, I was hesitant to panic. After all, it was just a phone. That was until the next morning when I realized just how much I had actually lost in the cold salty water. Notes on the book I’m currently writing were stored in my notepad. Even though my service offers it, I never backed up my contact list. Some of those people had moved away leaving no other way to reach them. It was heart wrenching.

The universe was telling something, but what? That I depend too heavily on my electronics?  Or just that maybe I need to step back and geta new perspective on things? Oh and possibly that I need to back up everything else?


Now I am trying to do just that- create a back-up for my life. I am getting everything in order one step at a time. This is something I have been doing this all along but this time I am doing it a little faster and steadier. I’ve spent a year preparing for this and now it’s time to start applying the methods and move forward. At the same time I’m stepping back to reconnect. It’s time to spend a little less time online and a little more time with friends and loved ones.

 

 

Since I read He's Just Not That Into You and shared my opinions, I thought it was only fair that I should find out what kind of advice the men in the dating world were getting. That lead me to the book A Practical Guide for the Boyfriend.

Now if you can actually find a man who is not being forced to read this by his significant other, he may actually find there is some useful information in it. But there are only a few pieces of true wisdom in the book here and there. I would hardly call this a go to guide for all relationships. Here is a good piece of advice all guys should remember: all women are different.

This book is likely to scare many men into not wanting to date and be "players" as it explains us women as complicated crying machines who are time challenged. Really??? Halfway through the book I actually realized who they were talking about. Me...When I was 20 and thought the world and everyone in it owed me something. Before I grew up and realized the best part of any relationship is being the an equal. Which means being on time, giving him the remote (except for during the few shows I actually love), and never making him feel like he has to lie to me about anything. Yes, that includes that ever so popular, "Do I look fat in this?" question. For some of us, it's a matter of not wanting to walk out of the house looking like a moron. And do men beyond college need an instruction manual for sex and kissing? If so, they have way bigger problems than not being a good boyfriend...My last big issue with this book is that a lot of the issues they complained about men doing, I do. So does that  make me a bad boyfriend, or the best girlfriend ever?

In conclusion, the book is funny and well written but stop trying to read your way into love and go out and find it!

For the past couple of weeks I have been cleaning my house like a mad woman. While I clean my mind works as quickly and diligently as my hands. It is almost therapy for me. As much as I enjoy just the pure cleanliness of my home, I think I prefer the cleanliness of my mind more.

With a clean mind I have been able to focus more on other things. Such as my writing. Often after a good day of house cleaning I can sit at night and write something. It may be just be a blog entry or a small scene for my novel, but it is something. And it's free of the frustrations and cloudiness that have been blocking the way. Those things have been cleared out during hours of vacuuming and dusting and loads of laundry.

So when I clean out the clutter from my home I also clean it out of my mind and heart...

As a writer, I spend a good portion of my time on my computer. If I am not on my computer, my cell phone is almost always within reach. Generally there is a digital voice recorder in my purse or backpack and my digital camera is always with me. Last weekend, I was going to attempt a simple drive up the coast. This trip involved me packing my laptop and all fore mentioned electronics into my convertible just in case creativity sparked while I was out on the road.

Writing my current novel has proven to be most difficult for me. Every time I open my laptop and begin to type, the words just get jumbled up and I just can't seem to get my thoughts down on the screen. It's there in my head. I know exactly how it is all supposed to play out. The scenes the characters the ending but I just can't type it onto my computer.

This has never been an issue for me. From middle school, I could sit and write for hours with just a notebook. The stories flowed from me with ease. Yet, now, I can't finish one chapter.

That is when it dawned on me. I have to go old school. Stop writing like someone else is going to read it. When I type on my computer I am all too aware that I will soon be sending it to someone else for editing. But when it is just me  and a note book I can write again. I also have a habit of checking my Facebook, myspace, email, and anything else I can when I'm on line if I slow down (which clearly happens a lot). To an extent, in my work I have to be assessable. I have not made my home wireless to help resist the urge to multi-task more than I already do. But I am finding it difficult at times to get things done that need to be because of this. My cell phone also does not have internet service for the same reason. So, I have to detach at certain times. Yet, I am still beginning to get the feeling that I am too attached to the electronics. The very ones I need to succeed may be the very ones hindering me from doing just that.

A few months ago, I read the book He's Just Not That Into You. One of my friends and I went see the movie shortly after it came out. Over all, I thought the advice in the book wasn't too bad. Don't wait around for some guy who's not worth it.Great! We've all done the incredibly stupid things mentioned in the book at some point even though they seemed so obvious. Everyone needs to be reminded once in awhile.

However,I think the book had its flaws. It stresses not to ever be the instigator. This is the twenty-first century and we are still expected not to ask the guy out...WTH?It also stresses that we are not the exception and drives it home by saying don't listen to stories of those people who actually are. This guy, who doesn't know us is telling us we aren't good enough to be an exception?

If I didn't listen to those that are the exceptions, then I would have to stop talking to most of my friends. I have three friends who were in long terms relationships where they lived with the guy for several years before they were married. Two of them are now married and one is planning their wedding for next summer. I know a girl from high school who asked her now husband out on their first date.

There is a story in the book about the author once calling every person with a certain girl's name in the phone book to reach the right one. Very sweet? If a girl did that it would be considered stalking. Why? What is with the double standards?

My friends call me ballsy. When I see something I want I go after it. Some say that is why these things often don't work out which, of course, is the point behind the book. But shouldn't we be able to be ourselves and have someone accept us for that...

One of the reasons my last relationship failed was alcoholism. Since then, I have been very cautious about being involved with anyone who has any type of alcohol issue. So when I learned that a very dear old friend, and past boyfriend was suffering from this horrid disease, I vowed to not see him again until he sobers up. That seems simple enough, right?

Only a few weeks ago, I was literally right down the street from his home. I didn't go by. I didn't even call to tell him I was in town. His family has begged for my help as I have a history of being able to get through to him when no one else can. My idea of help is to pass on to him that he will never see me or hear from me again until he sobers up. You have to be tough with addicts.

Now that I'm three thousand miles away, I wonder, am I really just taking the easy way out? Have I turned my back on someone who never would have turned his back on me?

Tonight, as I crossed the parking lot at one of the local supermarkets carrying one shopping bag I realized I am that chic. The one from the movies that lost it all and is now living life going through all the motions. I'm stuck in those scenes towards the end where they flash the girl going through day to day life. She's happy. She's moved on. She's surrounded by amazing friends and family. Life isn't bad. But it could be better. Any number of sappy songs could be playing in the background...

This is the real world, not a movie. Neither of us is going to show up on the others door step confessing undying love. I didn't take his breath away. We both have lives.

Luckily, I am at a point in my life where being single doesn't bother me. With amazing friends and family from coast to coast, I'm pretty much covered. My work is fulfilling and things that once bothered me now seem to just roll off. For the first time in my life I'm good with where I am. I know where I want to go and what I need to do to get me there. Nor do I fear the obstacles along the way.

So, yes, I am still going through the motions. I am going through the motions of my life. There is no waiting for prince charming. I am just living...

Four days now I have been back on the west coast. Its cold, often gloomy weather is the same depressing way I remember it. I still have nothing here. Nothing, that is, except the past which hurt me beyond explanation and a very grim looking future.

My recent trip back east was supposed to enlighten me that my decision to relocate there with my daughter was indeed the right thing to do. However, after being gone for six years, it took over a week just to conquer the cultural differences. I was thrilled to be with my family and friends overall. But there was a large part of me that kept saying, "I don't belong here anymore". Panic began to set in at that point. If I don't belong in the place I had called home nearly my entire life and I don't belong in the place our family had relocated to years ago, then where do I belong?

Things began to settle by week two. I caught myself using such words as "y'all" and "reckon". There was even a slightly noticeable twang in my voice again. My stomach was on rebellion from the foods I had chosen to ingest. Cramping starting generally on the way to the table as opposed to waiting until after I was done scarfing down half of whatever fried delight was before me and sopping up the gravy with a cat head biscuit.

Everything was very overwhelming for the most part. On the plus side, I remember why I long to move my daughter home. Despite the cultural differences, there is that warm welcoming feeling. People welcome you into their everyday lives. They don't stop what they are doing because you are there. They expect you to just join in. Why? Because that is what it is like when you are a part of a family. And they might be quirky and contain a very wide variety of classes but the south east is covered with my family biological and otherwise. And that is what I want my daughter to go home to.